Post 2. From the Boy.
One of the more infamous stories in the book of Milgram entails a tumultuous impromptu meeting with the one-and-only, Alec Baldwin. Black Friday is a notoriously busy day in the world of everyday people, and you wouldn’t necessarily expect such high-profile celebrities to be out-and-about in very public locations on the busiest shopping day of the year. Maybe it can be considered a little more “normal” when you live in Woodland Hills, California, about 20 minutes north of Hollywood.
A plethora of A listers, B listers, C listers, and porn stars roam the streets at any given time. It wasn’t unlikely to run into the likes of Taylor Hawkins, drummer for Foo Fighters, or Omar Epps, or the kid that played Sherman in American Pie (met him in the stall of a bathroom at a local Hollywood diner, but that’s a story for a different time). It wasn’t unlikely to recognize someone, anyone, even if you couldn’t put a name, or a role, to the face. Running into Alec Baldwin however, that’s major.
It was Friday, November 23, 2001. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining; the sky was open; and there were millions of people running around Los Angeles trying to get their hands on the new Elmo toy…or whatever. They were eating out, shopping, talking, and moving, most of them without a care in the world. I was working register 5 at the third largest Blockbuster in the country. The lines were out the door.
Do you remember…“Be kind, rewind”? I digress.
With a “customer-friendly” smile on my chubby little face, I greeted everyone, made sure they had what they wanted, cashed them out, and sent them on their merry way. The location of my register is very important, directly near the exit door. Because of the holiday, and because Blockbuster was a super friendly happy place, the managers stationed someone at the exit door. “Have a great day; enjoy your movie,” a greeting to every person that left. Billy (now, his real name wasn’t Billy, but play along, will ya?) was tasked with this very important job. Billy was also mentally challenged, and a heck of a nice guy. I got along with Billy just great.
Billy and I always had a thing where he would let me know if he spotted any type of celebrity. He would say, “Matt. There’s so-and-so,” or he would ask, “Matt. Isn’t that so-and-so?” He was usually wrong, and it kind of became a running joke. And on occasion, maybe 1 out of 10 times, he was right. So typically, if the store was really busy, I would ignore him, or say, “That’s not Barbara Streisand, Billy, that’s an old man, I promise you,” or “That’s not the fat guy from the McDonald’s commercials, Billy, that’s your mother.” Or “That’s not Frank Sinatra, Billy, he’s dead.”
Around 1 pm that Friday, the store is a mess, and the lines are out the door. Anyone who’s worked in retail knows very well what it’s like to work at a store on a weekend during the holiday season. Hectic is an understatement.
So there I am, at my register, and Billy is by the exit telling people to “have a great day, enjoy your movie!” Amid all the chaos, he screams out, “Hey! Isn’t that one of the Baldwin brothers?!”
Can you guess my initial reaction?
“Billy, it’s really busy. I promise you there is no Baldwin brother at this store.”
Celebrities did come into the store, but not on Black Friday and certainly not Alec Baldwin. Boy, was I wrong. Billy was a little relentless, and kept pointing outside, saying, “Matt, that’s a Baldwin brother. That’s a Baldwin brother. Matt, That’s a Baldwin brother.” Only to quiet his relentlessness, I turned around and spotted him.
I spotted Alec Baldwin! He was standing right outside. He had two children, and who I assumed was his nanny. (This was way before the recordings of him calling his daughter a pig on the answering machine surfaced. Hey, we all do stupid things.) My first reaction: I ran outside, because I knew at that moment I was not going to have another opportunity to meet Alec Baldwin. There were a lot of people around, and I was clearly not thinking straight.
He was halfway across the parking lot, and I screamed his name, “ALEC BALDWIN.” I mean, really, what would you have done? It was like the world froze. Everyone around stopped in their tracks, to look directly at Alec Baldwin. I thought he was going to stab me, or hire someone to stab me. Not one of my proudest moments, but a moment nonetheless.
As for Mr. Baldwin, he was a pro and a gentleman. With poise and grandeur, he walked directly over to me, put out his very large man-hand and shook mine like he was making a business deal. He simply said, “I’m Alec Baldwin, what’s your name?” (In his best Alec Baldwin voice.)
At that moment, my world moved in slow motion. My internal monologue went crazy… “Are you serious Alec Baldwin? You’re gonna walk over to me, put out your big man hand, and tell me that you’re Alec Baldwin, and then ask me who I am? I have no idea who I am? What the hell do you care who I am? Are we meeting for cocktails later? Are you gonna be my best man? What the hell am I gonna say?! Keep it together, keep it together. Say something funny, keep it together. Ask him what it was like to work on Beetlejuice. When’s the next time you’re hosting SNL? Who’s your favorite lobbyist? You’re Alec Baldwin and you’re shaking my hand and I have no idea what to do. GODDAMN YOUR HANDS ARE HUGE!” – pause.
Back to reality. The words that came out of my mouth, “I’m Matt Milgram” (in a subtlety mocking Alec Baldwin sort of voice), and “thank you.” He released his grip, and I never saw him in person again. I was nineteen, and that was a big deal.
After that, I learned quickly the art of saying hello to a celebrity. But in that moment, I had a moment only a Milgram can have.
I’ve been telling this story for more than 10 years now, and it was fun to relive it again with you. Next time I’ll tell you about the night I ran into Dr. Dre at Krispy Kreme. Stay tuned, and have a great day!
Two Happy Chickens 